It was a blustery Thursday in Joshua Tree. Tumbleweeds crossed the highway and coyotes were running wild. I was driving to LA in good spirits for my 40 week + 2 day check up. It was hot in LA and I was overdressed. My ugg boots were the only shoes that fit my swollen feet and they started to sweat as I walked from my car to the doctor’s office.
We had purchased tickets to the opening night of Star Wars that evening, and I had a feeling I would go into labor during the movie. I had been having mild contractions all day, but nothing regular enough to be productive. The appointment was going smoothly. The doctor checked me and I was about 1 cm dilated which was a little disappointing but somewhat expected. I had only finished the nursery (corner of our bedroom) a day before and our house was just done enough to not be a nightmare. [We thought it was a good idea to remodel the house into the final months of my pregnancy.
Suddenly the doctor changed his tone. The fluids around baby were low and although it wasn’t a major issue, sending me back to the desert that day was not ideal. I would have had to come back the next day to be checked again and he would not be there, so I would have to be checked at the hospital. The doctor requested that I check myself into the hospital for induction….Now.
I was surprised, but mostly excited that things were happening…but also scared as I had been listening to many birth stories and I wanted to avoid all unnecessary interventions. But I trusted my doctor [I was after all driving all the way out to see him from Joshua Tree] and I decided to heed his call.
I walked back to my car feeling anxious and nervous and very excited. I texted Scott that there was no emergency but he should get on the road ASAP. He must not have ready my message closely because when he called he had not left work. I let him know that I was going to check into the hospital and I’d call him once I knew more.
It was incredibly surreal checking myself in and the receptionist didn’t seem to know where to take me. It seems that the nurses were between shifts. They eventually got me to my room (overlooking the Hollywood sign) and as she was telling me what to do and handing me a gown, I just started crying. She looked very uncomfortable and I tried to explain that I was just overwhelmed. I remember that moment so vividly because that is the moment it felt real and I knew I was going to have a baby soon.
The plan was to induce me with Cervidil around 3:00pm and let it sit until around 2am before taking any additional measures (petosin etc). We were nervous about going down this road, but eventually decided that it was for the best and we began. Scott arrived a few hours later and our friend Amanda came by to get the dog and say hello. I remember feeling really out of it, but I think I was just getting into the birthing zone. My doctor said that I needed to be at least 4 cm dilated before I could get an epidural as it had the potential to slow my labor and require additional interventions to speed it back up.
Amanda came back with my favorite LA dinner, TacoZone, and I chowed down. (FYI: binging on your favorite food while in labor is a risky decision). My contractions really started picking up at nightfall and I was starting to feel what labor was all about. We removed the Cervidil around 2am and by then my contractions had really intensified. I got up to use the bathroom and once I was up I felt like walking around a bit. Laying down was so uncomfortable, so I walked a bit and stood up leaning over the bed. The nurse got in trouble for letting me stay off the monitors for so long, so she asked me to lay back down. “Do I have to?” I asked. And she said if I stayed on for 10 minutes and everything looked OK then she would let me walk around again. Once I layed down, the pain was pretty excruciating and I was feeling a lot of pressure. Suddenly, I felt something pop and then gush! My water broke. Once this happened, the contractions became even more intense. I asked about the epidural and the nurse checked me. I was 8 cm (much more than 4) and I asked for the epidural NOW!!
By then, I was in full active labor and making low moaning animalistic noises. The anesthesiologist came in and was all about efficiency. He took control and worked quickly, but it still felt like forever. He made Scott sit down on the other side of the room so he wouldn’t pass out. Normally I’m sure I would be scared and nervous about such a procedure, but the contractions were so bad that I didn’t even care. Once the medicine took hold, I laid down and my lower half started shaking uncontrollably. It felt very strange and made me giggle. My left butt cheek clenched hard and would not release. But the pain was melting away and I was feeling so much better. I was able to relax and get some rest. I think I slept for about an hour before the doctor arrived at the hospital to do his rounds. It was about 7am (5 hours since my water broke) and the doctor checked me. I was at about 10cm and the doctor set me up to do a “practice push”. I must have done a good job, because he asked the nurse for his scrubs and flipped a switch that opened up the ceiling and revealed a giant bright light that slowly lowered towards me. I felt like I was in a Star Trek episode. We began pushing with each contraction. I was breathing and using my Pilates knowledge to push and hold without fully releasing which would (as I imagined) retract the baby back in. I pushed for about 30 minutes bearing down and breathing heavily. I felt like I was in a movie. Pretending to have a baby. I was like an out of body experience. I felt pressure and intensity, but the epidural was so perfect. I could feel my legs, but no pain.
At 7:35 (I looked at the clock on the wall) the doctor placed the tiniest little baby on my chest. He was slimy and quiet. He wasn’t crying, but he was making little caws, like a baby crow. My hand was covering his tiny bum. He was so small and sweet. I couldn’t see him but I just held him as time stood still.
Eventually I worked on feeding him. Scott cut the cord and the baby had pooped in my hand. We got cleaned up and baby was weighed and measured.
Although we thought we had decided on a name, that name no longer seemed fitting, and we began to consider others. The next 24 hours are a blur. We slept and changed diapers and learned to breastfeed. The nurses were helpful and confusing as everyone comes at you from their own experience, which may or may not align with yours.
It took us that whole time to commit to baby boy Baxter’s name. We both looked at each other and knew that he was a Beau. I love that although we didn’t always agree on the name ideas while I was pregnant, there was no hesitation whatsoever once we met our baby Beau Wilde. In the hospital I vividly remember looking at his tiny little paper-thin ears in such awe. How can this tiny person be real?
We ended up going home after one night. We couldn’t wait to get him home and we had my mom and dad coming to visit the next day. It felt pretty crazy to load him up in the car and leave the hospital. I was so nervous having him in the car. But of course he slept the whole way home and then we were a family and our whole lives were changed for the better, forever.
